Torn between two sides

Lately I have been feeling torn between two sides of my personality.

One side of me wants to be the alpha man, the guy that gets the pretty girls, the guy that fucks married women. This is the side of me that still remembers as one of the best nights when I went out with a group of friends, met for the first time the married sister of a female friend (her husband was away in biz trip) and ended up getting a blow job and licking her pussy that very first night. I loved the feeling of fooling around with a married girl, seeing her sense of guilt being overcome by her horniness, the excitement of playing with her tits on the same couch where her husband watches TV and staining his carpet with my cum after his wife blew me, all the while her sister (my friend) slept in an adjacent room. I want to have more experiences like this, they make me feel good while I do them and I cherish their memory for years. 

On the other hand, I love being the submissive husband to my wife, the cuckold that stays at home masturbating while his wife goes out on dates to get fucked by guys she barely knows. I love the idea that she is promiscuous, a slut to guys with big cocks, that gives her ass to them and swallow their cum. I love when she flirts with guys in public, when she dances with them provocatively, that they understand I’m a cuckold thus emboldening their dominant behavior. I even wish I could suck the cocks of all my wife’s lovers and being a sex slave to them. I would love to be put in chastity by my wife and been denied sex while she gets fucked by whoever she wishes.

I am confused by these two sides, I send my wife conflicting signals and I can sense she is confused as well about what I really want. 

Any ideas on how to solve this?

Anonymous: cuckold comics - humiliated husband

Do you think you can manage to write a normal sentence, like in subject–verb–object

Then may be I will answer you…